‘Instant Friend Zone’: Woman Ghosts Man After He Asked To Split The Check On Their First Date, Sparking Debate

TikTok user Evelyn Gonzalez (@e11evyn) shared a story on how she ghosted a guy who asked her if it was all right for them to split a check on their first date.

In her viral clip, she makes it abundantly clear she would more than likely not ever entertain someone romantically if they weren’t willing to foot the bill for a first date, and her remarks divided TikTok users, but a large number of women on the platform stated that they agreed with Gonzalez’s point of view.

“Men are so funny I swear to God,” she starts in the clip. “So, I went on a date with this guy and when the check came he asked me to split the check with him. To which I responded, ‘yeah sure of course.’ And he was like, ‘you don’t mind?’ And I was like, ‘no of course not. Like why would I mind I don’t care.’

Gonzalez continues that they proceeded to have a great evening and he ended up dropping her off at home. But it seems when he tried texting Gonzalez the next day, she wasn’t interested any longer.

‘”Tell me why the next day he was like, ‘why are you being distant? Why are you ghosting me? Like why are you not texting me back?” she says, rolling her eyes towards the camera and tilting her head. “Sir, like, what baby, I don’t know how to tell you this I’m not gonna be the one to tell you it, but someone needs to tell this man.”

In the comments section, Gonzalez wrote, presumably in response to folks who said that there’s nothing wrong with splitting the bill on a first date, that “all [she’s] getting from these comments is that all these men wanna be [her] bestie.”

Depending on which survey one consults, the percentages of men and women who expect a man to cover the bill on a first date vary, but only slightly. According to Elite Singles, only 2% of men say that they expect women to pay for their share of the tab on a first date, as opposed to 5% of women who said that they would be more than willing to cover their first date bill.

However, a 2018 Independent article claimed that more than 60% of women said that they would prefer to pay for the first date, and a CNBC piece quoted another 2019 Elite Singles survey of a whopping 300,000 people. Sixty-three percent of men and 46% of women believed that men should pay for a first date.

TikTokers in the comments section seemed split down the middle, but a lot of female commenters seemed to agree with Gonzalez that if a man wanted to share the tab with them, then they should be instantly friend-zoned as a result. Others remarked that the issue isn’t whether the man in question was expected to pay, but that it boils down to someone asking you out to dinner. If someone invites you on a date or if you want to get some food, then there’s an implied offer that they’re the ones paying for it.

“I’ve hung out with guy friends that will pick up a tab no hesitation lol there’s boys don’t get it,” one user shared.

“If you paying, he obviously just wanted to be friends then get mad about you ghosting him. I’d ghost him to, like sir I thought this was a date,” another wrote.

“Instant friend zone. I split the check with my friends,” one viewer echoed.

“If we split the check…you in the stranger zone again lol,” another agreed.

Others quipped that if someone isn’t picking up the tab, or suggesting someone else pay their half, then there’s “no spark.”

“I feel like asking to split after you asked me out for a 1st date means you were not into me enough to impress me for a 1st date,” a user stated.

Some have also argued that the economics of men covering first date costs are justification enough for a man to pay for a meal or drinks for a first-time meet, and Forbes touched on the notion of “benevolent sexism” in a piece about how the gender pay gap plays into who pays for dates.

The author of the piece, Kim Elsesser, argues that women are ultimately harmed by this practice: “It’s not fair that straight men feel obligated to pay for their female dates, but it’s ultimately worse for the women. Social scientists label chivalrous behavior like treating women to dinner, benevolent sexism. Benevolent sexism is the notion that women should be adored and cherished, along with the paternalistic notion that they need men’s protection. It reinforces stereotypes that women are both fabulous and fragile, and that they need men’s help.”

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