My daughter Sally is, to me, one of the sweetest people I know. She gets good grades, has lovely friends, and still finds time to be a wonderful loving daughter. I have never had to ground her in high school, and she had never given me reason to believe she is acting out.
I am a single dad of 3 girls. It is tough, but I thought we were doing okay. Sally is the oldest.
I got a phone call from a crying mother today telling me that my daughter was involved in harassing another girl at her school. Sally and her friends took pictures of the girl in “funny” poses, such as bending over to pick something up and her butt crack was showing. The girl is over weight and I think a lot of the pictures had to do with fat shaming…
The mother said that her daughter tried to slit her wrists this morning and was in the hospital.
Sally is at the beach today and should be home in a few hours. I am so mad, I don’t know what to do. I have always taught her to be kind and respectful to others, and I feel like I don’t even know her. From what I have heard, Sally was the ring leader in all of this…
That was a few days ago
So Sally was scheduled to get home at 8:30 this evening. I get a call at 8:15 from her. She said she was going to stay at a friend’s house overnight. I said “No, I need you to come home right now.”
She said “I’m already here! Bye!” And hung up. I decided to go get her instead of arguing over the phone. I went to the friend’s house, it was empty. I started calling the the parents of her friends and finally someone’s brother picked up and said they were at the park. Sure enough, I go to the park and there are about 30 kids there around a fire pit. I see her with a solo cup standing next to a beer keg.
So I don’t usually get angry… but I had had enough. I went straight up to her and told her that I was not going to make a scene, but she needed to get in the car with me. She turned into another person. “I’m almost 18! You can’t do this to me! You are embarrassing me!” I snapped. I’m not sure what I said, but it was along the lines of: You should be embarrassed! You put a girl in the hospital because of what you and your friends have been up to and now you have lied to me and you are drinking alcohol underage. Your mother would be so ashamed of you, I don’t even know who you are anymore.
I caused quite a fuss, so she got in the car and she is home now. I have taken away all electronics (laptop, cell phone, TV privileges). I told her she needed to log into the anonymous Facebook and post a message apologizing and naming herself as the person who posted the pictures. When she logged in, I immediately looked through her posts. It wasn’t just one person she had posted about. This Facebook page was dedicated to making fun of the “nerds and loners” of the school. There must have been 50 pictures.
She posted the apology and then I made it clear that she was not to do anything for the rest of the summer. All plans are canceled until further notice. She can use the land line phone if she needs to, but only when I am there.
Other consequences I am enforcing:
Community service – still researching that, and looking for advice about it.
When the girl gets out of the hospital, Sally is going to apologize to her and her family.
I have taken the door of her room off its hinges. No privacy for a while.
Everything in the house that she has as a luxury is gone. This includes: all the expensive chemicals for skins and hair that I have bought her. I gave her simple shampoo, conditioner, body wash and lotion. Otherwise it is all in the garage. She also lost her makeup (don’t know if I will keep this enforced). I took everything out of her bedroom that she uses, and she basically only has books and her keyboard piano. I have told her to catch up on reading and to try practicing the piano that she begged for and then never used.
I told her to take the night and think things over. If she wants to fight me on everything tomorrow morning, then so be it. If she takes her punishment and agrees to these terms, then I will consider how long the duration should be.
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